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  • Writer's pictureAzul Leguizamon

What if Sadness is a friend showing you the way back to you? The real you…


Photo by Engin Akyurt


Today, sadness fills every cell in me. Waves of sadness and judgemental thinking about myself and others.

I am unwell, my body hurts and I know that being sick usually includes low moods. This time, big time. I don't remember when I felt so confused and so sad for the last time. Lots of thinking showing up but this time I know better, what is it that I know now?


I know that:


I can't trust any thinking I have now


I won't be taking any decisions from this place


These feelings/thoughts won´t be permanent


I realized I needed to be alone so I left my husband and my daughter alone and went for a walk on my own. Guilty thoughts come of course but I recognize them quickly as an old habit of thought. I also saw that taking care of myself first is the most loving thing I can do right now, and when my daughter grows up I hope she does the same.


Allowing ourselves space for our minds to quiet down is the best we can offer to ourselves and others.


I started walking on empty streets and tears were falling from my eyes. Why? I could have given you a thousand reasons. Reasons I wouldn't buy into if I´m in a clear mind. So I´m not giving value to any of those thoughts, I let myself be. I let myself cry.


I bought something to eat in a small place and felt touched by the extreme gentleness of the lady that served my food. It´s a sunny day and I took what I bought to the beach. I love eating tasty things and I love the sea so the combination was a gift for me.


Slowly with each wave, my mind told me stories about:


Why I am feeling like that and I dropped the story.


What should I do now, drop it again


Why do they behave that way, drop it again



Can't trust my thinking now…



I observed the waves, the people on the beach, the funny dogs playing….


I felt it was time to move so I started walking slowly by the beach. What's next for me to do… no idea, no plan…


This morning I did have the plan of having a wonderful happiest family day, certain things happened, and I've realized it won't be happening today, in “the way I have planned it”.


In fact, this moment right now, couldn´t be further than my original plan, and still… there is a peaceful feeling, and my family asked no questions when I said I needed to leave, just kindness in allowing me space.


Now I´m walking, I´m looking at the waves and the beautiful colors of the ocean, the people and their smiles, I´m feeling the wind in my face, I watch a lovely wet dog playing with its owner…


At that moment I had an insight, suddenly I saw something about myself, I saw that I constantly make plans to create happy memories, to infuse my family with joy and fun…


Why do I do it? I thought that it was out of love but I'm seeing now that:


I thought that was what was expected of me


I have the secret fantasy of my daughter telling somebody how wonderful, loving and fun mom I was when she was a child (Ego? Who said ego?)


I wanted to feel happiness out from my family experiences (Ouch… where was happiness coming from really? Inside-out! )


I saw also that the most beautiful family moments we had, and we had lots, were completely unexpected and unplanned but there was a little something that repeated consistently, I wasn't trying for anything particular to happen, I was just in the moment, flowing with common sense, from a quiet state of the mind…


BINGO!


So does this mean that now I HAVE TO stop planning any family activity? No, there are no prescriptions except it would be great to notice where I´m coming from when I make plans. I´m coming from fear? Being a people-pleaser? Ego? Or… I am just planning out of inspiration on that moment, effortlessly, spontaneously, unattached to the outcome? To know that I don't need to analyze myself, I just need to notice the feeling.


If I trust in the Infinite Intelligence that is behind all experiences (I call it God, how do you call it?) it is not only when I offer a webinar or when I have a session with a client, or when I´m in a session with my mentor and my coach. Trusting wisdom is ALSO for everyday life


Every

Day

Life


Can you imagine the amount of free energy available that I´ll have now that I´ll be not using part of it to make things happen in the way I thought they should be?


What if happy memories, a loving fun family life is only a byproduct of us trusting our inner guidance moment by moment, loving ourselves, making decisions, and trusting our thinking only when our mind is settled…


I know that is absolutely true about my career and my projects and there are absolutely no exceptions, everything is an inside-out experience so now, thanks to my friend Sadness, who showed up unexpectedly, I recovered freedom and a new chance to experience family life from a completely different perspective.


Guess how many hours since my low mood showed up until I wrote this went by? 6 hours… Every feeling/thinking is always impermanent as long as I don´t keep feeding it with stories but don´t worry, even if I do, it will become so uncomfortable that at some point I´ll stop and bounce back to my real nature. (That's a relief, don´t you think?)


If this resonated with you in any way and you would like to share that with me send me a PM or do it in the comments, whatever is best FOR YOU.


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